Do You Love Yourself?
When you look at the relationship you have with yourself, you might notice that you don’t put in the same energy into yourself as you put into relationships with others. Can you imagine how much you would love and respect yourself if you did? Can you think about the persons you might attract into your life if you were operating as your ‘ideal self’?
It’s easy to fall short in this area though. We often tend to put others needs ahead of our own. If you are a mother, you know this all too well. However, when we do for others constantly or fail to work on self, we let ourselves and ultimately others down. There are real benefits to being ‘in love with yourself.’
How often do you take yourself out on a date? Or how often do you say nice things to yourself the way you talk to your best friend or partner? (If you are not saying nice things to your partner and your partner is not saying nice things to you-that’s a different story entirely. Refer to my Fighting Fairly article.)
What defines a loving relationship with self? We will get to that…
Qualities in a Loving Relationship with Others
There are various qualities needed to have a healthy and successful relationship with others. Some of these qualities include: acceptance, affirmation, trust, love, honesty, commitment, respect, freedom of individuality, assertiveness in communication, affection, ability to work through challenges and ability to maintain a sense of humor. These are the same qualities one could have when in a love-affair with self.
If you are willing and able to accept yourself as you are, then you have worked past being critical of yourself. Unfortunately, people distract themselves throughout their days and perhaps push away the need to work on loving self.
When you are in a successful relationship with another person, you work to accept the person as they are. To love someone, you are attracted to their positive qualities initially. You are typically willing to stay in the relationship because the pros outweigh the cons.
When the Relationship Starts to Fail
Hopefully, the pros outweigh the cons. However, there are individuals out there who are attracted to individuals with poor character traits or notice them as time goes on. At times, the cons outweigh the pros. Or one or two cons are big enough to hinder happiness.
Since we all have flaws or traits that need improvement adjusting a trait or trying to be the better version of yourself is a natural and respectable path. If you are in a relationship perhaps you can stay in the relationship and grow together. However, some people break up and give each other time to work on improving the flawed character trait.
Growth Takes Time
Time apart could be beneficial for growth. If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you. Distance can make the heart grow fonder. Taking a break and jumping into a rebound or another relationship doesn’t help you grow though.
Being single and focusing on self-improvement helps you grow. Read self-help books, see a counselor or journal. Figure out what poor traits you have and commit to working on them.
You Cannot Change Other People, Only Yourself
You cannot change other people. Don’t waste time trying to do it. If someone wants to change, that person will do it on his or her own time. It doesn’t mean you have to wait around for the change to happen.
If you want to change, you will take steps on your watch. These changes take time. Failure is a natural part of existence. You can expect failure to happen on your part and another person’s part. Failing forward means, failing but continuing to go on.
Humans are incredibly resilient.
That is the whole message about life. Life is a journey. The fun part is not getting to the destination right away. The journey is the part that matters.
Life is about learning because life is a continual, changing process. That is the one constant in life: change.
When looking at having a relationship with self, you want to build yourself up. Confidence boosters are necessary when trying to love yourself. Confidence boosters include: positive affirmations, sticking with a new hobby, trying new things and recognizing your small accomplishments.
If you have suffered a failure at college or in a sport where it seemed like those paths would set the tone for your life, there is another path…ALWAYS.
You might not want the path at first but lies before you for a reason. It is there to challenge your self-worth, your integrity and your ability to accept.
The affirmation of self-worth is main message you can benefit from in having a relationship with yourself. It feels good to hear, “You are good enough. You matter. You are capable.”
How often do you say that to yourself? Give yourself credit. Recognize the positives about you. Affirmations and learning more about them happen in this blog post.
Most importantly, you can say them to yourself and increase the self-worth statements as you go. Remind yourself that your inner-voice is a central part of your own self-worth and growth.
By believing in yourself, you can take steps to improve. Which inner voice you choose to feed determines how positive or negative you are. The negative self-talk statements devalue you. The positive self-talk statements build you up.
Motivation can be difficult to find sometimes. By starting to improve your curious qualities you could benefit from acknowledging even small progress.
Take time to sit with the little wins and begin to change the neuroplasticity in your brain, especially if the old messages were negative, hurtful and creating an environment of low self-worth. When brain activity gets used to hearing self-deprecating message on a daily basis, you create an environment of hurt and unhappiness.
If you can reverse that pattern and give yourself positive, affirming and loving messages, you become happier on a daily basis. You take ownership of changing the neuroplasticity in your brain messaging.
You begin to trust and love yourself more. Hence, you start having a loving relationship with yourself.